I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
