I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
