He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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