i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
