My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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