i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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