What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
