you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
