So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
