Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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