so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
