I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
