i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
