THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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