a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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