someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
