where am i from again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
