I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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