My nipple is on Facebook.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
