the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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