the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
