wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize