So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My bed smells like the plague
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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