Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
