We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
should my penis look like a turkey
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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