He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
