Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
