Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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