So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
