I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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