It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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