We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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