Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
