So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
