i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
