Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize