so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
