Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
