Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
