Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
