the day after is always just damage control
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
