Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
