Only a mothe r could love this liver
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
