Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
