So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize