Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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