i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
