What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
