ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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