after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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