Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I faked an abortion last night.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry about my life...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
