His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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