yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize