who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
