I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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