saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
