he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
