Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize