Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
