Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
where are my eyebrows?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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