I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
