Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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