So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
