Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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