MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
