please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
