I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
