So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
