I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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