My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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